7 Ways to rekindle the spark in your relationship

Image by Ulrike Mai from Pixabay

Maintaining a strong and passionate connection with your partner takes time and effort. But what happens when that ‘spark’ seems lost forever?

When the passion that you and your partner once felt for each other has been replaced by kids, careers, bills and other responsibilities…? Can you get it back?

As a relationship therapist and clinical sexologist, I have seen it all. And I truly believe that if a couple really wants to rekindle that spark, it IS possible. Even if they have faced challenging times or infidelity.

Remember, the 'spark' is all about that feeling of excitment and investment in your relationship. It's not the same as purely physical attraction. If a couple is struggling with mismatched libidos, or lack of physical attraction, I recommend seeking professional help. You can also read more here.

However, if you and your partner feel like  you're stuck in a rut and everything is just 'same old, same old', then there are some things that you can help reignite, or maintain, the spark:

1. Communicate openly

Open and honest communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires with your partner. If you’re frustrated, try to share your feelings in a calm and clear way.

If you’re happy and feeling positive about your relationship, tell your partner. We are often quick to complain, but we don’t always remember to encourage each other. Effective communication helps to resolve misunderstandings and builds trust, which is essential for intimacy.

2. Prioritise quality time together

Yes, life is busy. And it’s not going to get simpler any time soon. But remember when you were dating? When you moved heaven and earth to spend time with each other? When you made each other a priority over all those things that now seem to take over your life.

It’s too easy to neglect spending quality time together. But if you want to rekindle that spark, it’s important to set aside regular date nights or activities that you both enjoy. They don’t have to be expensive date nights. It can be as simple as a walk in the park, or a take-away coffee and half an hour of uninterrupted ‘us time’…

This helps strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.

3. Express appreciation

Some of the things that I hear most often in my practice is “he takes me for granted”, or “nothing is ever good enough for her”… We are quick to let our partners know when we’re unhappy, but once the dating butterflies have worn off, we sometimes forget to show appreciation for each other.

Small gestures of kindness and acknowledgment can help your partner feel valued and loved, and boost emotional intimacy. So next time your partner cooks an amazing meal, or remembers to vacuum the house, or picks the kids up so you don’t have to… don’t forget to say a heart-felt ‘thank you’.

4. Keep the romance alive

Remember when you first met? Did you put in a lot of effort to surprise your partner with sweet gestures, or just make them feel loved? Romance is more than roses and chocolates. It’s figuring out what makes your partner feel special, and making sure you set aside time to do those things.

Surprise your partner with thoughtful gestures, such as love notes or texts, small gifts, or spontaneous outings. Maintaining an element of surprise and excitement can keep the relationship vibrant and passionate.

5. Explore new experiences together

Often in long term relationships, couples get stuck in a rut. Everything starts to feel ‘the same’ all the time. The same routine, the same challenges, the same work, the same dreams… One of the ways I encourage my clients to reconnect is by trying a new hobby together.

This can bring a sense of adventure and some ‘newness’ to your relationship. This can be anything that fits into your budget and your schedule, like a cooking class, ballroom dancing, or trying a new sport. Shared experiences can strengthen your bond.

6. Focus on physical intimacy

It might sound obvious, but it’s very important to make an effort to include physical touch and intimacy in a long-term romantic relationship. Life gets busy, or we’re stressed or too tired, and eventually couples feel like they are just ‘friends’ living life together.

In my practice, I encourage couples to work through a six-week programme that helps them reconnect physically with each other. The programme begins with affectionate touches, cuddling and eventually physical and emotional intimacy.

7. Seek professional help if needed

If you’re facing significant challenges in your relationship and you don’t really know where to start, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A relationship therapist or sexologist can help provide guidance and give you and your partner the tools you need to work through difficult times and rebuild your connection.

By following these seven steps, you can bring back the excitement in your relationship and deepen your connection. Remember, it’s all about being consistent and working together.