Your 2026 relationship audit: 20 Questions every couple should ask themselves
Happy New Year! As we step into 2026, many of us are making resolutions about health, fitness, and career goals. But when last did you and your partner sit down to really check in on your relationship?
We service our cars regularly. We go for annual medical check-ups. We review our finances at least once a year. But somehow, we forget to do the same for one of the most important parts of our lives – our relationships.
As a relationship therapist and clinical sexologist, I've noticed that many couples wait until things are really broken before they seek help. They come to me when they're already considering separation, or when years of resentment have built up.
But what if you could prevent some of these crises by simply checking in regularly?
That's why I'm a big believer in the "relationship audit" as a loving conversation that helps you and your partner stay connected, and growing together.
Why bother with a relationship audit?
You might be thinking, "Our relationship is fine. Why would we need to do this?"
Here's the thing: relationships don't stay "fine" on autopilot. Even the strongest relationships need intentional attention and nurturing. Life happens – careers demand our time, kids grow up, our bodies change, priorities shift. And if we're not checking in regularly with each other, we can drift apart without even realising it.
A relationship audit isn't about finding problems. It's about:
- Celebrating what's working well
- Identifying areas where you both want to grow
- Making sure you're still on the same page about important things
- Preventing small issues from becoming big problems
- Reconnecting with your partner on a deeper level
What’s the best way to do a relationship audit?
Before you jump into the questions, it's important to create the right environment for this conversation.
Pick the right time and place:
Don't try to do this when you're exhausted after a long day, or when the kids are running around. Choose a time when you're both relatively relaxed and can give each other your full attention. Maybe over a weekend breakfast, or during a long walk together.
Approach it as a team:
This isn't an opportunity to list all your partner's faults or bring up every frustration from the past year. You're on the same team, working together to strengthen your relationship. Approach these conversations with curiosity, not criticism.
Be honest but kind:
Yes, honesty is important. But there's a difference between being honest and being hurtful. Share your feelings openly, but always with love and respect for your partner.
Listen without defending:
When your partner shares something difficult, resist the urge to immediately defend yourself or explain why they're wrong. Just listen. Try to understand their perspective, even if you don't agree with it.
Remember, this is not a one-time fix:
Try to do a ‘relationship audit’ at least once a year. More often is even better! This is an ongoing conversation, not a single event that will ‘fix’ everything in your relationship forever.
20 Questions you and your partner can ask each other during a relationship audit
Here are some questions to guide your relationship audit. You don't have to cover all of them, just choose the ones that feel most relevant to where you and your partner are at right now. I’ve divided them up into six sections based on the different aspects that all work together to build a solid relationship.
Section 1: Connection and communication
1. What's one moment from the past year when you felt really connected to me?
This is a lovely way to start on a positive note. It reminds you both of the good times and what makes your relationship special.
2. Do you feel heard when you talk to me?
Communication isn't just about talking – it's about being truly heard. If your partner says “no”, don't get defensive. Ask them what would help them feel more heard.
3. Is there something you've wanted to tell me but haven't felt comfortable sharing?
This question opens the door for vulnerable conversations. Create a safe space for honesty without judgment.
4. How can I better support you emotionally?
Your partner's needs may have changed over the past year. What they needed from you last January might be different from what they need now.
Section 2: Intimacy and affection
5. Are you happy with our physical intimacy?
This can be a difficult topic, but it's so important. Remember, intimacy isn't just about sex – it's about touch, closeness, and feeling desired.
6. What makes you feel loved and appreciated?
Love languages can shift over time. The way your partner wants to receive love might have changed since you first got together.
7. Is there something you'd like to try or explore together?
This could be about your sex life, but it could also be about new experiences, hobbies, or adventures you'd like to share.
Section 3: Shared life and responsibilities
8. Do you feel like we share household and parenting responsibilities fairly?
This is one of the biggest sources of resentment in relationships. Check in honestly about whether the division of labour still feels balanced.
9. Are we both contributing to financial decisions and responsibilities?
Money stress can destroy relationships. Make sure you're both involved and on the same page about finances.
10. What's something I do that makes your life easier?
Acknowledge each other's contributions. Sometimes we don't realise how much our partner does until we name it.
Section 4: Individual growth and shared goals
11. Are you happy with how we balance 'us time' and individual time?
Healthy relationships need both togetherness and independence. Are you both getting enough of each?
12. What's a personal goal you have for this year, and how can I support you?
Show your partner that you care about their individual growth, not just your relationship.
13. Where do you see us in five years?
Make sure you're both still heading in the same direction. Dreams change, and that's okay – but you need to know about it.
14. Is there something about our lifestyle or routine that you'd like to change?
Maybe your partner is tired of the weekend routine, or wishes you'd travel more, or wants to move closer to family. These things matter.
Section 5: Conflict and challenges
15. What's our biggest challenge right now?
Name the elephant in the room. Sometimes just acknowledging a problem together makes it feel more manageable.
16. Do you feel like we resolve conflicts well?
If not, it might be time to learn some new communication skills or seek professional help.
17. Is there a recurring argument we keep having?
Recurring fights usually point to an underlying issue that hasn't been resolved. Dig deeper to find the real problem.
Section 6: Gratitude and appreciation
18. What's something I did this year that meant a lot to you?
Recognition and appreciation go such a long way in relationships. Let your partner know you see their efforts.
19. What do you love most about our relationship right now?
End off the conversation on a positive note. Remind yourselves why you're together and what's worth protecting.
20. What's one thing you're looking forward to doing together this year?
Give yourselves something to look forward to. Planning shared experiences creates excitement and connection.
What to do with what you learn
Having the conversation is just the first step. The real work comes in what you do with the insights you gain.
Celebrate the wins:
If you discover things that are working well, acknowledge them! It's easy to focus only on what needs fixing, but recognising your strengths is equally important.
Make a plan together:
If issues come up, work together to create actionable steps. Don't just identify problems – commit to solutions. And write them down! It's too easy to forget good intentions if they're not recorded somewhere.
Follow up:
Set a date to check in again. Maybe it's in three months, maybe it's in six months. The timing doesn't matter as much as the commitment to keep the conversation going.
Seek help if needed:
If your audit reveals significant challenges that you can't work through on your own, don't hesitate to seek professional help. There's no shame in getting support from a relationship counsellor. In fact, it shows strength and commitment to your relationship.
Be patient:
Change doesn't happen overnight. If you and your partner identify areas for growth, give yourselves grace as you work on them. Relationships are a journey, not a destination.
A final thought
I've been working with couples for almost 20 years, and I can tell you this: the strongest relationships aren't the ones without problems. They're the ones where both partners are willing to show up, be honest, and do the work.
Your relationship audit is one way of showing up. It's a gift you give to each other and to your relationship. It says, "You matter to me. We matter to me. And I'm willing to invest the time and energy to make sure we stay strong."
So as you set your intentions for 2026, I encourage you to add "relationship audit" to your list.
And remember, if you're struggling to have these conversations on your own, or if your audit reveals challenges that feel too big to handle alone, I'm here to help. Sometimes having a neutral third party can make all the difference in moving forward together.
Here's to a year of deeper connection, honest conversations, and stronger relationships!