What does a sexologist do? And should I see one?
Have you ever wondered what a sexologist does? How do you know if you should see a sexologist? Do sexologists only treat clients with sexual dysfunction, or do they help people with relationship issues too?
I’ve been a practicing sexologist for almost two decades, so let me share a little bit more about what I do everyday. My mission is to ‘normalise’ seeking help, and receiving counselling from a sexologist.
Just because ‘sexologist’ has the word ‘sex’ in it, people often assume that I only help those with sexual dysfunction. But this is far from the truth.
While I am a certified sex addiction therapist (through IITAP), I also have a Master’s degree in Health Sciences (Sexual Health) from the University of Sydney, Australia, and I’m a registered counsellor with the Health Professions Council of South Africa.
Most of my work involves relationship counselling, for ‘everyday’ couples who are going through a tough time in their relationship. This can be anything from infidelity to fighting over parenting responsibilities, and lack of communication.
I also offer counselling for those suffering from sex addiction, erectile dysfunction or pain during intercourse, and I counsel those who have experienced sexual trauma.
Relationship counselling
When relationships lack intimacy, they become weak. A couple’s sex life is often a good indicator of the health of the overall relationship. I often find that if a couple is struggling with intimacy, they are also struggling with communication, conflict, and trust. There may even be a lack of respect in the relationship.
So when couples come to me for counselling, it help them to rebuild the foundations of the relationship, and then we focus on rebuilding the intimacy.
Trauma counselling
If someone has been sexually assaulted or experienced sexual trauma in the past, it may affect their ability to be intimate – even in a committed relationship. I help people who have experienced sexual trauma to work through their pain so that they can enjoy a healthy, fulfilled and intimate relationship with their partner.
Compulsive sexual behaviours
As a clinical sexologist I’m also trained to counsel men and women struggling with compulsive sexual behaviours. This includes addiction to porn, porn, masturbation, chat rooms, exhibitionism (sharing intimate pictures with someone other than your partner).
There’s nothing to be embarrassed about
I do not judge anyone who walks through my door, as I know that everyone has a story to tell. All relationships go through ups and downs. I feel privileged to help couples work through some of the most difficult situations, and build stronger, healthier relationships in the end.
I also know that for those suffering from sex addiction, it’s difficult to seek help as you feel like you will be judged. But I understand that compulsive behaviours are often the result of trauma, and I believe everyone deserves the chance to heal, and find freedom from their addiction.
Personal success stories - Seasons of Sex
If you’re still wondering whether or not you should see a sexologist, or seek counselling for your relationship, I would recommend that you read through some of the stories of my former clients. They have given me permission to share their relationship struggles, so that their stories can help others. All of the couples are anonymous and certain details have been changed to ensure privacy.
These stories have been documented in Seasons of Sex, a book that I published several years ago. In it, I highlighted some of the most common issues that individuals and couples deal with throughout a relationship’s lifespan. From building intimacy in the beginning to dealing with changing life roles during parenting, to aging and menopause and beyond.
Chapter 3: Desire Discrepancy
Today, I’m sharing the story of two couples dealing with Desire Discrepancy. (Check my blog for more chapters and real-life relationship stories over the next few weeks).
Desire Discrepancy is when one person in a relationship has a higher libido than the other. This can be either the man or the woman, and it leads to frustration, hurt, anger, and eventually a breakdown in the relationship.
Here’s how I helped these two couples work through Desire Discrepancy in their relationships.
