Stuck in a rut? Don’t forget about the importance of foreplay

There’s nothing wrong with a quickie, but don’t neglect the importance of foreplay in your intimate relationship.

I often find that couples who have been together for a long time end up putting sex and intimacy on the backburner while they focus on other responsibilities: family, careers, kids, household chores and finances. When it comes to sex, things tend to happen quickly or not at all.

Over the years, as the intimacy breaks down, couples can end up allowing things like anger, bitterness and resentment to build up between them, which can ultimately lead to a relationship crisis.

Here are some basic tips on reigniting the passion in your relationship. Remember, it’s never too late to seek help. All relationships change over time, you and your partner CAN rebuild your relationship no matter how ‘bad’ it seems.

Foreplay is not just about what happens between the sheets. It’s about the relationship as a whole and how connected you and your partner feel.

How to ignite and sustain the passion in your relationship:

1.      Make spending quality time together and romance a priority in your relationship

Planning intimacy doesn't ruin it. It ensures that it will take place. Besides romantic evenings together, try to connect with each other for 10 minutes after getting home from work before continuing with the rest of your evening. Catch up on how your partner is feeling, what challenged them that day, what you can do to support them, and affirm them. I believe that one of the biggest reasons for infidelity is that couples don’t connect any more. There are too many distractions, and ‘easy’ ways to disconnect from the world around you.

2.      Spend time touching outside of sex

Do you remember how you used to snuggle up together and kiss? Do it again. Do you remember just holding each other, or dancing spontaneously in the kitchen, or holding hands while watching TV? Do it again. Get used to the idea that touching doesn’t always have to lead to sex, it’s about maintaining intimacy throughout all aspects of your relationship.

3.      Focus on being sensual before being sexual

Smell, sight, taste, sound, and touch. Engage all of your senses on a romantic evening together with your partner. Play some good music, dress up for each other, light a scented candle, brush your teeth!, and really focus on what it feels like to touch each others’ skin. Relax, breathe, and be present in that space together.

4.      Affirm each other

As we age, we all get a little insecure of our grey hairs, wrinkles, and changing bodies. But these are the marks of a life well lived. As you change together, make sure you affirm each other and keep building each other’s self-esteem. You probably still find your partner just as attractive as you did right at the beginning of your relationship – don’t forget to tell them!

5.      Spice things up! Don't settle for the same old, same old

Don’t let your sex life get stale or stuck in a rut. Get creative, change positions, try sex in different rooms, dress up, role-play, try a toy… Just make sure that both of you are on board with whatever you decide to try, and that it fits within the boundaries of your relationship and your personal values. Don’t push your partner to do anything that they are not comfortable with.

6.      Physical health

While it’s not something most of us consider, good physical health is a necessity for a satisfying sex life. A person who is not in good physical health or has hormonal issues could experience a lower sex drive. Remember the abuse and misuse of alcohol and drugs will also have a negative effect on your libido. If you feel like your libido has changed significantly, and you can’t figure out why, you should chat to your GP about a possible cause.

7.      Psychological health:

I believe that your brain is one of the most powerful sex organs in the body. When you aren’t feeling emotionally strong, or you’re dealing with a lot of stress in your life, your libido will be affected. Emotional baggage from past relationships can also impact on your sex life. If you feel like you’re battling emotionally and psychologically, it’s important to seek professional help. This will not only impact your intimate relationship, but have a wide-ranging impact on all aspects of your life from your friendships to your work life. There are many solutions to help you build coping skills, and grow your confidence and self-esteem. Take a brave step and reach out to a professional.