Sex addiction: Signs, support and recovery

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You might have heard the term "sex addiction" being used in the media, but what does it really mean?

As a clinical sexologist and certified sex addiction therapist, I believe it's important to understand that sex addiction is a real issue, similar to other addictions like alcohol or drug dependence. It's not just about having a high sex drive, but rather a “compulsive need to fulfil sexual urges” without considering any of the possible negative consequences.

What exactly is sex addiction?

Sex addiction, also known as hypersexuality or compulsive sexual behaviour is when an individual loses control over their sexual thoughts and urges. While it's normal to experience sexual desires, for a sex addict, these urges become overwhelming and lead to behaviours that impact their life in a very negative way.

The World Health Organization (WHO) has classified compulsive sexual behaviour disorder (CSBD) as a mental health disorder. While the WHO recognises CSBD, it is not currently listed as a diagnosable condition in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

According to WHO, the criteria for diagnosing CSBD is similar to criteria used for other addictions, including:

• A persistent failure to control intense, repetitive sexual impulses or urges resulting in repetitive sexual behaviour.
• Repetitive sexual activities becoming a central focus of the person’s life, leading to neglect of health, personal care, and other responsibilities.
• Numerous unsuccessful efforts to significantly reduce repetitive sexual behaviour.
• Continued repetitive sexual behaviour despite adverse consequences or deriving little or no satisfaction from it.
• The pattern of behaviour persisting over an extended period (e.g., 6 months or more).
• The behaviour causing marked distress or significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. Importantly, distress solely based on moral judgments about sexual impulses is not sufficient for this criterion.

Sex addiction is not about sex

For sex addicts, the issue isn't about sex itself, a high sex drive, or simply enjoying sex. Instead, sex is often used as a way to ‘deal with’ difficult feelings like anger, loneliness, sadness, or boredom. Often, individuals struggling with sex addiction have difficulties expressing and regulating their emotions and may have experienced childhood trauma.

Signs of sex addiction

Recognising the signs of sex addiction is the first step towards seeking help. Here are some questions that you can ask yourself if you think you might be struggling with sex addiction.

(If you suspect that someone you know might be a sex addict, ask yourself if any of these behaviours describes them.)

• Preoccupation with sexual thoughts and behaviour. Do sexual thoughts constantly enter your mind, making it difficult to focus on daily activities?
• Loss of control over sexual behaviour. Have you tried to stop or cut back multiple times, but failed? Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire? Do you find yourself unable to stop your sexual behaviours even when you want to?
• Hiding sexual behaviour from others. Do you keep secrets about your sexual activities from your spouse or sexual partner?
• Engaging in sexual behaviour despite negative consequences. Has your sexual behaviour ever caused relationship or workplace issues? This can include relationship issues, problems at work, financial difficulties, health risks (such as STIs), or legal trouble.
• Escalating risky behaviour. Do you feel the need to experiment with riskier sexual behaviour to increase the satisfaction you get out of sex?
• Negative emotional consequences. Do you experience negative emotions after sexual activity, such as guilt, shame, or depression? When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
• Negative coping mechanisms. Do you think you might use sex as a coping mechanism for negative moods like stress, anxiety, or loneliness?
• Lack of interest in any other areas of ‘everyday’ life. Do you find yourself neglecting other important areas of life due to sexual behaviours, such as health, personal care, work, social life, and family responsibilities?

If you answered "yes" to one or two of the questions, it is advisable to seek help from a professional.

*These questions are adapted from the PATHOS questionnaire

Finding help and support

I try to assure all my clients and their families that sex addiction is treatable, and recovery is possible. Like any other addiction, it can be managed with the right tools and therapy. If you recognise these signs in yourself or your partner, seeking professional help is essential.

Here are some ways to find help and support:

• Consult a professional: Get help from a certified sex addiction therapist, or a therapist that is trained and experienced in treating sex addiction. Not all therapists have the experience or knowledge to treat this addiction and therefore it is important that you find a qualified therapist trained in treating sex addiction.
• Couple's counselling: ICouples counselling begins once the person with sex addiction has been in recovery for at least 3-6 months. Therapy always begins with treating the individual until they are in solid recovery before the focus can shift to the relationship. It is very important for the partner of a sex addict to receive counselling too. This will help them deal with the trauma of betrayal and the devasting effect sex addiction can have on the relationship and on them personally.
• Join a support group: Support groups offer a safe and confidential space to connect with others facing similar challenges. Sharing experiences can aid the healing process and provide support. If you need more information about a support group, you are welcome to contact me by sending me an email to info@leandiebuys.co.za There is also a support group available for partners of sex addicts. For more information about these support groups, you can contact info@leandiebuys.co.za.

There is hope for recovery

Dealing with sex addiction is a challenging journey, but recovery is absolutely possible. Many relationships can be saved and restored through therapy. It requires commitment, empathy, understanding, and professional guidance.

If you believe you or someone you know is struggling with sex addiction, please don't hesitate to reach out for help. You are not alone, and there is a path towards a healthier and more fulfilling life.