“My struggle with postnatal depression” – Jenny’s story

Diagnosed with late onset postnatal depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, severe depression and anxiety.

Henry’s birth was very traumatic. He was born with the cord around his neck, which caught us all by surprise, including my gynae. I had opted for natural birth with an epidural, and in the last few minutes of pushing what felt like volcanic rock (epidural effect having subsided), the cord twisted around Henry’s neck, and the gynae had to suction him out.

I remember being numb with shock, waiting for Henry to cry

Everybody seemed to panic, including the gynae, who summoned the paed. Unfortunately the hospital staff did not know which paediatrician was on duty, and it was a good few minutes until the paediatrician, thankfully a pulmonary specialist, arrived.

We were told that Henry was being resuscitated, which horrified me and my husband. Would Henry make it?

Henry did make it

His first two days in ICU were touch and go, and he spent ten days altogether in his own little room, surrounded by a bank of monitors. It was intense and extremely stressful, because the doctors were not certain why he wasn’t recovering more quickly.

It was haze of tubes, feeding and changing times, heart and everything else monitors, brain scans, and those horrible face masks when I was ill. Henry cried often and loudly, but wasn’t eating enough. The doctors eventually felt confident enough to release him from hospital, with a diagnosis of acid reflux brought on by his traumatic birth.

The acid reflux was difficult to deal with

Because we had received no trauma counselling, we simply fell into coping mode, and I wasn’t able to process any of my own emotions. I was hugely anxious, and convinced my child was still ill because he cried a lot.

Unfortunately I also experienced a roller-coaster ride of badly prescribed medication. I had been taken off my low dose anti-depressant, and given Eglinol, the supposed miracle milk brewer drug. It made me so sleepy, sluggish and ‘out of it’.

I just couldn’t cope

I was then put back onto my old AD, but at a higher dose. This had an even worse effect, and I crashed worse than ever. I was a nervous wreck, OCD about cleanliness, my moods spiking and dipping very badly – I felt badly out of control. Fortunately, the right dosage was prescribed, and I stabilised.

Things were ok for a while. I went back to work and was even quite happy and energised. Then, when Henry was eight months, I crashed again.

This time, a combination of post-traumatic stress disorder (from Henry’s birth), and severe depression and anxiety.

It is difficult to describe how it felt

A bit like the ground shaking underneath you, and falling into a black hole. I wept at every baby story, felt consistently shaky with anxiety and overwhelmingly sad, all of the time.

Thankfully, my husband was very supportive, and urged me to seek help.

I was told meds equal 1/3 and therapy equals 2/3 of the process of recovery

I felt 3/3 hopeless at the beginning! It was not an easy path to walk, but the combination of therapy and meds started to make an impact, day by day, week by week.

Two years later and my Henry is a gorgeous, bright little boy, and I love him dearly. I’m still on a therapeutic dose of medication, but I’m a million times happier. I have the support of my family, I spend time doing creative and fun things, and I am learning to go with the flow.