Affairs, addiction, neglect: How stress can impact your relationship
Do you feel like the constant demands of everyday life are having a negative impact on your relationship? You are not alone.
Many couples are trying to balance work, raise their kids, manage household chores, deal with financial struggles and maintain their relationships all at the same time.
All of these responsibilities can leave people feeling very overwhelmed and emotionally drained.
As a relationship counsellor, I’ve seen how the pressures of everyday life can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, and the breakdown of relationships. People turn to alcohol, social media, and even infidelity try to cope with their fears and stressors.
But the good news is that when you learn how to deal with these things in a healthy way, you can rebuild your relationship. By working as a team, you can make your relationship stronger and better than it ever was before. Yes, you can even heal after an affair (see my blogs on dealing with infidelity).
And with better coping skills, you and your partner can overcome future challenges together.
In this blog, I’ll be sharing some of the unhealthy coping mechanisms that people turn to when they are struggling to cope with stress and challenges in their lives.
In my next blog, I’ll share some of the best coping skills that you and your partner can use to deal with the stress, and decrease its impact on your relationship.
Read my blog on healthy coping skills to manage stress HERE.
1. Infidelity:
This is one of the most common unhealthy coping behaviours I see in my practice. When people are feeling overwhelmed by the demands of their everyday lives, they may look for ‘thrills’ or an escape that helps ease the stress for a while.
The excitement of an affair can release ‘feel good’ chemicals, making them feel happier in the moment. But the devastating consequences of infidelity end up causing even more stress and unhappiness in the long term.
2. Excessive use of alcohol:
Even if a person has never struggled with alcohol addiction before, they may be tempted to turn to alcohol to cope or numb their feelings when they’re under extreme stress, or dealing with a lot of emotional struggles. But this can eventually lead to dependency and addiction.
Using alcohol as a coping mechanism can have a very negative effect on relationships, as it can lead to more conflict, impaired judgement and emotional distance between couples.
3. Emotional detachment:
Sometimes people try to cope with stressors by emotionally disconnecting from their relationships. They may shut down, become distant, or withdraw from their partner.
Emotional detachment affects a couple’s communication, creates feelings of loneliness, and affects the trust and connection between partners.
4. Neglecting self-care:
When trying to deal with big life challenges, we can sometimes neglect our own self-care needs. Sometimes people even put their partner's needs and the demands of their relationship and children above their own well-being, leading to exhaustion and burnout.
Neglecting yourself can lead to increased irritability, decreased patience, and overall dissatisfaction in the relationship.
5. Escaping through technology:
How many times have you started scrolling through your phone ‘for five minutes’ only to realise half an hour later that you’re still doomscrolling through content that doesn’t have a positive influence on your life?
Many of us turn to technology as an escape from our stressors, and when we use it responsibly, it can help a little – like a meditation app, or an entertaining podcast. But excessive use of social media, online gaming, or binge-watching TV shows prevents us from confronting our problems and dealing with our responsibilities.
Escaping through technology means we spend less quality time with our partners, which impacts communication, and leads to a sense of disconnection in the relationship.
6. Ignoring communication issues:
I always say effective communication is one of the keys to a successful relationship. But stressful situations can strain communication between partners.
When people feel overwhelmed, they may avoid talking about important topics. They may also hold back on sharing their feelings just to maintain peace, or to protect their partner from the stress.
But this can lead to unresolved conflict, resentment, and a breakdown in effective communication.
7. Neglecting shared responsibilities:
When people are overwhelmed, they may ‘drop the ball’ when it comes to their daily responsibilities. They might forget about important dates, or even forget to pick the kids up from school. They might not have the energy to make dinner, or help clean up, or share the emotional and physical responsibilities of the household.
Leaving all of this to their partner can have a negative effect on the relationship, leading to resentment, frustration and exhaustion from both individuals.
8. Lack of quality time together:
Quality time together is often one of the first things that gets pushed down the list of priorities when people are struggling to cope with stress in their lives.
The demands of work, finances, and raising children can leave little time and energy for investing in the relationship. But this can impact the intimacy and emotional connection between a couple, leading to feelings of neglect or loneliness.
So how do you prevent stress from having a negative impact on your relationship?
It is important to be open and honest with each other about your struggles, and your emotions during these difficult times.
Finding healthier ways to manage stress, seeking professional help when needed, and prioritising self-care can help couples build strong relationships, and overcome challenges together.