My top 10 tips for a long, healthy relationship
Can you believe it’s already 2025?! It feels like we were celebrating the start of 2024 just the other day. It feels like the last year went by in a blur.
There were many ups and downs, but this year I want to be more intentional about appreciating the good things in my life.
I often feel like we just let life “happen” to us, and we keep going… and going… and going. But we never take time to just sit still, breathe, take a look around and find some moments of peace in the chaos.
So this year, one of my resolutions is to actively find those moments of peace. And to appreciate the amazing people that I have in my life, especially my husband. That’s why I’m dedicating the first blog of the year to tips for building lasting, meaningful relationships.
As I always tell my clients, building a strong relationship is a journey. It takes patience, effort, understanding, and a willingness to grow together.
As a relationship therapist, I've seen it all. I have seen what heals relationships, what keeps people together, and what tears them apart. Based on almost 20 years’ experience, here are my top ten tips for building a strong relationship that really lasts:
1. Prioritise open and honest communication:
This is the absolute foundation of any healthy relationship. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires with your partner, even when it's difficult. Good communication helps couples work together to resolve misunderstandings. And in turn, this builds trust, which is essential for intimacy.
Remember, communication is a two-way street. It also involves actively listening to what your partner has to say. Ensure they feel ‘heard’ when confiding in you and know you’re a safe space for sharing passions, dreams, fears, and frustrations.
If you feel stuck in your relationship and don't feel safe sharing your thoughts or feelings anymore, it is time to invest in a relationship therapist. Yes, this does require financial and emotional investment. But rebuilding that connection, and learning to communicate with each other in an open and honest way is worth it.
2. Make time for “us”:
Life gets busy, but it's so important for you and your partner to set aside some "us time" without distractions. Whether it’s a walk in the park, a coffee date, a shared hobby, or date night, it helps strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.
Remember how you were able to find special moments to spend time together when you were dating? Try to make each other a priority again.
If it feels unachievable because of your busy schedule and the demands of your kids, you’re not alone - we’re all juggling so much. But the truth is, if you don’t make time for your relationship, it’s easy to start neglecting it, and your partner will feel neglected too. So, if you can’t naturally ‘find’ the time to spend with each other, then you’re going to have to consciously make time. Add date nights, and ‘us time’ to your schedule, and make sure you stick to it.
3. Show appreciation:
It’s easy to take each other for granted in long-term relationships. I’ve seen it so often in my practice… it causes friction and feelings of resentment.
This year, try to make an effort to acknowledge even the small things your partner does. These gestures of kindness and acknowledgement make your partner feel valued and loved, boosting emotional intimacy. Don’t underestimate the power of a heartfelt 'thank you'.
And don’t forget to ‘do’ the things that make your partner happy too. If you know they’ve had a rough day, take over one of their chores to give them a little break. Or send them an encouraging text message telling them how much you love and appreciate them. Every kind word, and every little action makes a difference.
4. Keep the romance alive:
Remember those early days when you made an effort to surprise your partner? The days when you were first discovering who they were, and what made them happy? Remember the excitement you felt when you were going out on a date together, or just the enjoyment of spending some quality time together?
It’s never too late to bring back some of that romance, and relight that spark! Romance is more than grand gestures; it’s about figuring out what makes your partner feel special and making time for those things like love notes, small gifts, or spontaneous outings. And if you’re unsure where to start, a quick Google search can give you plenty of ideas.
5. Explore new experiences together:
Long-term relationships can fall into a rut. This doesn’t mean that your love has ‘run out’ or that the spark has gone. It just means that you are in a routine that’s too comfortable and familiar to try anything new.
But that’s exactly what will bring back the sense of adventure and "newness" to your relationship. Try a new hobby, take up a new sport, explore a new part of town, cook a new recipe… appreciate the opportunity you and your partner have to explore life together.
These shared experiences can significantly strengthen your bond and bring back a sense of passion and excitement to your relationship.
6. Prioritise physical intimacy:
Don't let life's stresses turn you into "just friends". Many of the couples that come to me for relationship therapy struggle with physical intimacy. There can be many different reasons for this, but eventually this lack of physical intimacy affects their entire relationship. They end up feeling like roommates rather than lovers and partners in life.
To help couples who have reached this point, I have a programme that helps them slowly rebuild their physical and emotional relationship. It does take time, but it is possible for couples to find their passion again.
To maintain the passion in your relationship, it’s important to prioritise physical intimacy. Schedule time for you and your partner to spend together, away from distractions like kids, work and other responsibilities.
7. Don't forget self-care:
Taking care of yourself is an important step to being the best partner you can be. If you don’t schedule some ‘me-time’, it can lead to burnout, resentment, and a lack of emotional availability for your partner and the people you care about most.
Self-care is especially important during stressful and busy times. It’s not selfish to keep your mind and body healthy. Make time for ‘you’, even if it means waking up half an hour earlier so you can read a book, drink some tea in peace, do a workout or just have some quiet time alone.
Schedule "me-time" and stick to it so that you have the energy and emotional strength to invest in your partner and your relationship.
8. Set realistic expectations:
Unspoken or assumed expectations are one of the biggest causes of conflict in a relationship. It leads to resentment, disappointment and frustration.
We all have expectations about how we want our partner to behave, how we want our relationships to work, and what the future should look like. These are shaped by our experiences, our families, cultures and personal values.
It’s important for partners to be honest and open about their expectations. It’s also important for both partners to be willing to listen to each other’s point of view, and to compromise when it’s reasonable. Setting goals together and aligning your expectations can make a relationship stronger.
9. Share responsibilities:
Sometimes life can be overwhelming with work, home, and family responsibilities, so sharing the load is crucial.
Couples need to work together to deal with the ‘day-to-day’ challenges of life. This includes household chores, parenting duties, and finances, making sure these responsibilities don’t all fall on one person.
Remember, relationships are about teamwork and helping each other build the best life possible.
10. Seek professional help when needed:
If you and your partner are facing significant challenges in your relationship, don't hesitate to seek professional help.
A relationship therapist can provide guidance and tools to work through difficult times and rebuild your connection. Therapy is a great way to ensure both of you have a voice, so your needs and desires are heard clearly.
Building a strong relationship is an ongoing process. We all have our ups and downs, but if you try to implement these ten tips, you will have a solid foundation for a long-lasting, supportive and fulfilling future together.
