Leandie Buys Realtionship Therapist & Clinical Sexologist

Erectile Dysfunction and Aging

Men also go through physical changes as they age. They may experience slower erections, lack of firmness, fewer orgasms, and a longer recovery time after sex.

Older men also need more time and stimulation to become aroused. However, the slower, more sensuous foreplay that often results is a welcome change for some women. Basically, around 40% of men over 40, 50% of men over 50, 60% of men over 60, and 70% of men over 70 will experience erection difficulties at some time.

Focus on sensuality and intimacy

An increased focus on sensuality, intimacy, and communication can help a sexual relationship become more rewarding than ever.

I encourage older couples to gather as much information as possible about aging and how their bodies will change. Couples need to plan ahead and know what to expect so that they are not surprised or afraid of the changes.

Above all, couples need to maintain the intimacy in the relationship and enjoy the new life stage they are entering.

Here are some tips to keep sex fun in your later years:

1.         Kiss passionately

Kiss like you used to when you first fell in love. Rediscover passionate kissing. Take your time. Enjoy the touch and taste of each other's lips.

2.         Change your attitude towards sex, and fall in love again

If you desire a good sex life, change your attitude towards sex, and allow yourself to think sexual thoughts. Remember, sex encourages health and intimacy. The human sex drive is strongly influenced by chemicals in our bodies that respond to messages in our brains. We are not at the mercy of our hormones. We can regulate our sexual urges and responses by how we think about sex. The more sex you have, the more sex you want

3.         Focus on being sensual before being sexual

To have a better sex life, you need to learn to use your senses. Relax, enjoy the smell of each other’s bodies, listen to your partner’s breathing, touch each other, and taste each other. Most importantly, enjoy the sight of each other’s naked bodies, and appreciate the intimate connection that comes with sex.

4.         Make quality time and romance a priority

Planning intimacy does not ruin it. It ensures that it will take place. One of the biggest reasons for infidelity and the breakdown of relationships today is that couples do not connect any more. Make each other a priority, and ensure that you spend at least ten minutes a day sharing quality time and communicating.

5.         Touch each other outside of sex

Remember how you could not keep your hands off each other when you were dating? Enjoy kissing, cuddling, and embracing. It does not always have to lead to sex; just enjoy each other’s touch.

6.         Spice things up!

Do not fall into a rut. Allow your sex life to be creative by experimenting with different positions or introducing some toys. Remember to always stay within the boundaries of your relationship, and have fun!

7.         Do not just say ‘no’ to having sex

You may say, "I do not want to have sex", but your partner may hear, "I do not want to have sex with you". Saying, "not now" instead of "no" lets your partner understand that it will happen, just not at that moment. But be sure to make time for intimacy within the next 24 to 48 hours or your partner will start believing that "not now" is the same as "no."

Remember: Couples who remain sexually active not only live longer, they also have healthier lives.